I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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