One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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