Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
