So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
