Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
