I am puke
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
