we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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