Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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