I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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