u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
