I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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