She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
