batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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