Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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