I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
