A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
from now on my penis is your penis
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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