Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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