I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
