im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
