No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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