hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
