I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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