also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
