remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
