There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
