I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am mentally ready for anal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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