This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
