I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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