They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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