I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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