Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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