who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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