I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
