I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
