Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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