Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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