Your face is a jimmy john
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
