There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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