I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
