And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
