youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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