I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
