I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
