I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
