get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
