at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
