i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
