My pussy is not your playground.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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