Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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