i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The police scanner is talking about you again....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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