when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
